What's Stopping You

I started this blog last year and have pathetically made just one entry, until now. Sometimes late at night words flow through my mind worthy of a blog entry...."how brilliant, how poetic" I think. But, I am too lazy to get out of bed, so the words are lost. When I think about making a blog entry here, I feel like it needs to be perfect. I feel like I need a theme and can only write based on that theme. I feel the blog must be important. This year, a girl I knew from childhood had cancer and wrote about it in a wonderful blog. I say it was wonderful not because of why she as writing it (of course, duh!), but because of the way she wrote about it. There were times when I thought about writing in my blog, but in the shodow of hers I felt my entries would be silly and trite, so I did not write. All ridiculous reasons for not writing, I know.

I also feel like, what's the point in writing in this thing when I am not writing for an audience. I do not have a large group of friends or people who would care much about what I write. Maybe people would care. Maybe I have more friends than I think....I have never been good or confident in that department, probably thanks to my dad's genes and maybe because of the achromatopsia (though I bet the latter is just an excuse). Speculations about friends aside, I do have a new daughter and perhaps someday she might like to read my musings and learn about the mundane and petty details of my life.

So, I suppose I must abandon my desire to have a perfect, poetic, literary masterpiece of a blog and just write....write freely about whatever comes to pass, or that which I wish to come and pass. Afterall, at the base of it life is a chaotic mess of change. I learned some of this on a meditation retreat years ago....everything is changing, anicca, anicca, anicca. Things bubble up and float away. This blog should be a relfection of that.