Hello, neighbor?

Last Sunday I was out running and ran by the house of a woman that I know. As I got to the middle of the block, about where her house is, I heard people outside on a front lawn. Since my vision is so poor (due to the achromatopsia), I was not entirely sure if it was her house or the one next door. I also, of course, could not identify the people outside. I felt nervous running by. If people I knew were outside, would they see me? What would they think if they saw me running by and I did not acknowledge them. I don’t like running down that section of street because this is the dilemma I face. I don’t like ignoring people unintentionally. As I ran by, I just waved in their direction. Maybe they did not even see me, maybe I was waving at strangers, but at least if it was the people I knew and they saw me, I was friendly and waved hello to them.

I don’t like feeling so disconnected. I do the same disconnected-type gesture at intersections when I can’t tell if a car will let me cross before it goes or not. I just wave my hand for them to go, and hope they’re not waving back for me to go. If they wait too long, I get insistent and wave again. I don’t even know if a nonverbal communication is taking place, I just wave for them to go in case they’re looking.

It was always difficult to go to large social gatherings because when I got there I could not tell who was there that I knew. With small groups it is a bit easier because I have a chance at recognizing people’s voices as I enter a room. But, with large groups, the noise upon entry is often overwhelming and disorienting. I would usually just have to flounder for awhile until I found people I knew.

I am definitely an introvert, but have wondered how much more of one my vision has made me. I imagine having full sight, going to parties and waving at friends who are there as I enter the room (if they see me!). I imagine stopping to talk with the woman I know if she is outside while I run by her house. I imagine being more confident when entering a room full of people because I can see all the nonverbal communication, to which I am generally blind. I imagine walking down the sidewalk towards someone and not being nervous about where I am supposed to look; eye contact for me is basically meaningless unless I am very close to someone and I just don’t know the etiquette for it, like how long do you look at someone before it becomes creepy for them? Usually, I just look away and give a brief cursory glance as I get closer to the person, but again the whole interaction just seems empty and disconnected because I can’t see that person’s eyes.