Gardening

We just about finished planting this year's garden yesterday – got in tomatoes, corn, peppers, radish, okra, watermelon, cantaloupe, and pumpkin; the spinach and peas will need to wait until later in the summer. Larger-scale gardening is a tough task for someone with poor vision and OCD tendencies! OK, it is not really THAT difficult, but my OCD-ishness kicks in and I want to make all the rows perfectly straight; find a way to make the garden edges smooth, well defined, and free from grass clumps; and make the dirt in the garden completely smooth. My mind tugs at these ideas until I think how much work that would be (the garden is perhaps swimming-pool sized) and then I let go, realizing that the things we plant will come up even though the garden might look “messy” to me. At least this year I will put the tomatoes in cages to make them a little neater!

My vision also makes it difficult. When planting the seeds, I cannot actually see where they fall in the row. I just move my hand along the row and drop in seeds at (seemingly) appropriate intervals. I mowed the grass around the edges of the garden, but when the grass is really short it looks very similar to the dirt in the garden (green and brown can look very similar when not seen in color), and I can’t easily discern where the garden ends and the grass begins. It is also very difficult to see where plants are sprouting up since my acuity is poor, and there is very little contrast between green plants and dirt. Tearing up the ground for the garden left dead grass clumps in it, which I don’t like partly because it does not look “neat” but also because the dead grass clumps look very similar to the live grass, tricking me into thinking that weeds are coming up in the garden. The corn, which we planted several weeks ago, is coming up but the plants are very small and I need to look very hard to find where the rows are. I accidentally pulled one of the corn sproutlings up, not thinking I was in a row and mistaking it for a weed!

Hello, neighbor?

Last Sunday I was out running and ran by the house of a woman that I know. As I got to the middle of the block, about where her house is, I heard people outside on a front lawn. Since my vision is so poor (due to the achromatopsia), I was not entirely sure if it was her house or the one next door. I also, of course, could not identify the people outside. I felt nervous running by. If people I knew were outside, would they see me? What would they think if they saw me running by and I did not acknowledge them. I don’t like running down that section of street because this is the dilemma I face. I don’t like ignoring people unintentionally. As I ran by, I just waved in their direction. Maybe they did not even see me, maybe I was waving at strangers, but at least if it was the people I knew and they saw me, I was friendly and waved hello to them.

I don’t like feeling so disconnected. I do the same disconnected-type gesture at intersections when I can’t tell if a car will let me cross before it goes or not. I just wave my hand for them to go, and hope they’re not waving back for me to go. If they wait too long, I get insistent and wave again. I don’t even know if a nonverbal communication is taking place, I just wave for them to go in case they’re looking.

It was always difficult to go to large social gatherings because when I got there I could not tell who was there that I knew. With small groups it is a bit easier because I have a chance at recognizing people’s voices as I enter a room. But, with large groups, the noise upon entry is often overwhelming and disorienting. I would usually just have to flounder for awhile until I found people I knew.

I am definitely an introvert, but have wondered how much more of one my vision has made me. I imagine having full sight, going to parties and waving at friends who are there as I enter the room (if they see me!). I imagine stopping to talk with the woman I know if she is outside while I run by her house. I imagine being more confident when entering a room full of people because I can see all the nonverbal communication, to which I am generally blind. I imagine walking down the sidewalk towards someone and not being nervous about where I am supposed to look; eye contact for me is basically meaningless unless I am very close to someone and I just don’t know the etiquette for it, like how long do you look at someone before it becomes creepy for them? Usually, I just look away and give a brief cursory glance as I get closer to the person, but again the whole interaction just seems empty and disconnected because I can’t see that person’s eyes.

Stream of Consciousness

I can't keep up with this blog thing very well. Maybe if I KNEW a lot of people were reading it I could, but....who knows! My real excuse: I have been busy with work lately, plus have generally felt uninspired. Tonight I cannot sleep. I don’t know why. I had lain in bed and, among other things, thought about this neglected blog, trying to think of something good to write. In the end, all I came up with was just a bunch of disjointed thoughts, so here goes.

We moved our bedroom from the front of the house to the back today. We’re now sleeping in the “remodeled” room with the gleaming hardwood floors and new semi-fancy window treatments. When in there, it feels like we've moved into a new house. The old bedroom is now my office, very sparsely furnished with just a desk and small table so I can plop baby L in there with me while working without worry that she’ll get into something she’s not supposed to. It has been storming all weekend but I did manage to get in my seven mile run today. It felt crappy, but I am glad I did it. K mentioned today that he’s itching for a road trip. I was lost for ideas. Tonight in my insomnia, with the help of the internet, I discovered that I want to go to Cumberland Island. I wonder if baby L is up for a camping adventure. We ordered some carnivorous plants online several weeks ago and they have not arrived yet – what’s up with that? It is strawberry time again and we need to go out picking earlier than last year so the gettin’s not as sparse. The bees are doing well and, as K recently discovered, they are starting to fight off the ants that are invading their sugar-water food-store.

Ummm, I guess what I have on my mind would be better written in a bulleted list. And, of course when lying in bed trying to sleep I get the “worrisome” thoughts about bad scenarios. I don’t want to write about them - that would give them too much justice. I am turning into my mother…she does the same things apparently.

I can’t think of any more non-bulleted bullet points, maybe a good sign that my mind is winding down for the night. Oh wait there IS that looming dentist appointment. I have a phobia of dentists and I know I have dental work that needs to be done. I just need to think of it in terms of baby steps….just get in there for the cleaning, that won’t be so bad, at least maybe for the right side of my mouth that does not suffer the extreme sensitivity to cold (and certain foods like sugar and radishes) that my left side does. I am afraid of that cold water they spray in there to rinse, eeek!