Waiting for My Mojo

Back in college, now some 17 years ago, I was amazed at people who could run long distances. I joined a running club for awhile at UW-Madison but was intimidated by the members that could run 10 miles or more, plus there was a super fast girl who got the spotlight. I also recall being amazed by a guy on the rowing team when he told me that he ran 5 miles in the morning as a part of crew training. I did run a Valentine’s Day 5k with the running club, but it was difficult.

Fast-forward about 15 years, and I actually amazed other people with my running. One day I was out on a long marathon training run in Minneapolis. I was about 10 miles from home, on the bike trail in Hopkins, when I came across some friends who were out bike-riding/roller-blading. One of them said in amazement “Jenn, what are you doing out here?”; he has since retold this story many times.

For several years, from 2001-2006, I was in the honeymoon phase of running. I ran my first marathon in 2001 just hoping to finish under 4 hours; I finished in 3:36 actually qualifying for the Boston marathon, which I did not know was kind of a big deal. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised with my performance. I was hooked, getting a GPS distance tracker watch and subscription to Runner's World. The next summer I put in more miles in order to improve my time, logging around 60-70 miles per week, most of them up and down the Mississippi river. To my surprise, I finished my second marathon in 3:18 (or so) – I was elated.

It was such a great feeling to be so in control of my body. In those days I could not run fewer than 8 miles at a time and 15 miles was a “short” long run. I tried to train even harder for my third marathon, this time introducing speed workouts until I was sidelined by some kind of injury in the groinal area. I was discouraged, but went nuts with alternative exercise: I took up spinning classes (which kicked my ass) at my sister’s suggestion. Some days I would do back-to-back classes: 2 hours of spin followed by weight training and maybe even 30 minutes on the eliptical trainer. I started running again about one month before the marathon and found that my running hiatus did not hinder my pace much since I finished in 3:19. I was back with a vengeance for my 4th Twin Cities marathon, where I had a PR of 3:17 (give or take some seconds).

I ran two marathons in 2004: the Twin Cities and Boston. I think it took a lot out of me to train for two of them because that was the year I peaked. I purposely said I would take some time off from marathons but still try to run a lot. In the summer of 2005 I joined a running club, with which I had a lot of fun. I did a bunch of half-marathons and other races, usually finishing pretty well (except for the race before which I was up most of the night at a poker party…and yes, there was drinking!). It was liberating to feel good and run fairly fast in races even though I was not actually training for anything. I felt powerful. I felt good, physically at least.

I noticed that my running was declining in the summer of 2006. I tried another marathon (this time Grandma’s in Duluth) and, to my disappointment, finished in 3:46. I was discouraged that this was my slowest time ever. But, my training was also the most lax ever. I tried to train hard, but work and school interfered and I was only able to put in about 40 miles per week. I still tried to run a fair amount during the fall and winter of 2006, but I let my mileage slip, and felt it. I frequently ran with my husband (who was then just my friend and running partner), which was great, but the pace often felt fast and I struggled up the hills while he would just chat away barely winded.

I really felt my running ability start to wane in early 2007. I injured my calf in February of 2007 and then struggled with it for quite awhile. I tried to make a comeback in spring 2008 by running the Nashville half-marathon with my husband, but the long runs just did not feel all that great anymore, so I did not log the miles I needed. I finished that race in the low 1:40s, which is still pretty decent, but I just felt crappy in the race. To my credit, I was coming down with some kind of stomach flu (which I fully discovered the next day), but still the distance seemed too difficult.

Then I got pregnant in 2009 and my pace and distance plummeted, as I found it will do for women in that condition. I kept the faith that my running mojo would be restored after the baby came out, but alas it is still gone. I struggle to run 20 miles per week, have a strained Achilles tendon, and run at about a 9 minute mile pace – a good 1.5 minutes slower than it used to be. My attitude to running has come full circle, though landing at a different vantage point from where it began. I am no longer amazed by others' running (unless they are Kenyan or of similar make) but I am amazed by how I used to run.

I try not to get discouraged, focusing on being thankful that I can run at all every time I go out. But I am still waiting…..waiting for the day when my running mojo will return, and my feet will feel lighter and my lungs bigger. It is the same attitude I have for a box of pictures and computer CDs that has disappeared since our move to the South; I often ponder where it has gone, wonder where I can find it until I am nearly obsessed, at which point I step back, try to relax, and tell myself not to worry - that it will turn up again someday.